


In Sanguine est Fortitudo

by vulcansextapes



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt!Spock, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutilation, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, vulcan bullies are really mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 13:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcansextapes/pseuds/vulcansextapes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things cannot be taught in a classroom. Some things are learned through pain and blood. Jim wasn't the only one with a difficult childhood, and as he finds this out, is prepared to kiss every scar on his Vulcan's body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (Prologue)The One Where Spock Grows Up too Fast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zachary(queentribble)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Zachary%28queentribble%29).



The first time there were only bruises. Easily concealed and nothing to fuss over. Spock made the mistake of letting his mother see them. Amanda had been furious, complaining to the school officials and causing many heads to turn at the half-breed and his emotional human mother.

The next time it happened, Spock said not a word. Let the pain blossom whenever he would twist or move a certain way.

Nor did he say anything the time after that, or the time after that.

The fifth time, they got creative. They chased him for over a mile. Chased him until his legs gave out and his lungs burned with the need for air. As they pulled his clothing off and cut the insults into his skin, Spock found himself wondering where the logic was in this.

They backed off for a while, and Spock found himself hoping that they might leave him alone entirely. How illogical. They came back less than a month later, full force. He was cornered after the school day had ended, refusing to show emotion even when they held the open flames to his skin.

There was only so much of this that he could take. Spock found himself pilfering exact-o knives from his mother's craft kit. He didn't find it poetic when their nice, white, porcelain sink was spattered green with his blood. There was no beauty in what he was doing. Spock just cleaned it up and bandaged his arm, making sure he was in long-sleeved robes before his mother got home.

He never cried. Not once. Not even when Stonn lifted him by the wrist, reopening the wounds there, and instructed the other Vulcan boys to paint more insults across his back with their bladed weapons.

Spock learned not to feel, not to care, and not to associate with any of his peers. Even his intended, T'Pring, would glare icily at him. He did not blame her.

Amanda recognized that there was something not right with her son. She tried to coax it out of him to no avail, and eventually let it go when Sarek spoke to her about it. But as the tears rolled down her cheeks and her son was wheeled into emergency surgery to dislodge one of her exact-o knives from his arm, she wished more than anything that she hadn't

Everyone left him alone after that. There were whispers of his 'tainted blood' driving him mad, stares in the hallways as if he might try and kill himself on the spot, and triumphant not-grins from Stonn and his group of peers.

Spock had never felt so alone.


	2. The One Where Kirk Suspects Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of you who left kudos and kind comments on the first chapter! I'm not quite sure I'm happy with this one, but oh well.

In the weeks following the destruction of Vulcan Spock hadn't meant to do it, he really hadn't. But the sting of the blade and the smell of coppery life fluid took the edge off of his mother's death. He admonished himself for such a lapse in his controls. He had not done this since the incident that sent him to the hospital, and he certainly had never done this much damage before then. His mother had stayed home for weeks to look after him, and he had been under constant surveillance for the months that followed. While he was sure Nyota had good intentions in comforting him, she was a very kind woman after all, when she had attempted to soothe him in Vulcan he had told her to leave his quarters. Spock resolved to keep his arm wrapped and covered at all times. No one would know of his emotional compromise.

In the meantime, admiralty was giving them small missions; delivering supplies to nearby colonies and standing witness for diplomatic missions led by other crews. Spock could no longer ignore that James Tiberius Kirk made a fine, if somewhat reckless, captain. Kirk and he had begun a tentative aquaintanceship that mostly consisted of them _not_ arguing over executive descisions. Any preconcieved notions that Kirk had the intellegince of an inbred farmboy who spent his spare time touching the cows in an inapproprate manner were quickly vanquished after the first few weeks of duty.

Spock had inadvertantly found out about Kirk's intelligence level when he had become stuck on a particular growth formula the horticulture division of the science department had asked him to look over. To any onlooker Spock would appear perfectly at ease, though his frustration was boiling and coupled with the stress the last month or so Spock recognized that he needed to remove himself from the bridge.

"I will return momentarily, Captain."

And with that, the data PADD clattered and a minute fracture was left on the surface where he dropped it on his station and strode off of the bridge. Spock spent the next 15.72 minutes clearing his mind on the nearest observation deck, not quite meditating but with his eyes closed nonetheless. With renewed calm, he made his way back to the bridge and took his place at the science station once again.

Someone had moved his PADD. More importantly, someone had _used_ his PADD. A quick glance around the room revealed everyone to be buried in their own work. Spock turned his attention back to the PADD, lifting an eyebrow at the realization that whoever had moved it had also taken the time to solve the the growth formula in question. All in fifteen minutes. 

Spock found that he was mildly frustrated that a problem he had been stuck on for four days had taken someone fifteen minutes to solve. He resolved to go through security footage after shift was over and confront whomever was touching his  things. 

The rest of shift passed sluggishly. Spock reminded himself that time was flowing in much the same manner as before, and it was illogical to think that it had slowed down simply because he was anxious to discover who had been intelligent enough to solve the equation. The minute shift ended, Sock was out of his seat and making his way to the turbo lift. Only to be accompanied by Kirk.

"Captain." Spock acknowledged.

"What's got you in a hurry, Mr. Spock? Hot date tonight?" Kirk winked in what Spock assumed was supposed to be a comical manner. Who would Spock be going on a date with? Why would Spock be so hurried to engage in romantic activities of all things?

"While I do not see how the temperature of the evening would have me in a hurry, someone has solved a particularly perplexing equation on my data PADD, and I endeavor to discover who." Was Spock's reply. Kirk laughed at this, which was what Spock had been aiming for.

"Well, I wish you luck with that!" There was a kind of mirth in Kirk's eyes that Spock didn't quite understand, though he thought about it all the way to the security deck.

Typing in his XO override, Spock quickly found the footage he was looking for. He watched himself walk off the bridge and, after a few seconds of  what looked like dilliberation, the Captain stand and retrieve his PADD. Perhaps Kirk had seen the equation and had someone else solve it, deducing that it was why Spock was so uncharictaristically frustrated? But no, Kirk simply toyed with the PADD for a few minutes and placed it bacl on the science station, returning to the Captain's chair. Curious.

It took Spock another 2.43 days to confront Kirk about what he had witnessed on the security footage.

"Captain, I wish to speak to you in private." He fell into step beside Kirk who shot him a glance and grinned.

"Sure thing, Spock! Let's talk in the conference room, yeah?" Kirk grabbed his wrist to direct him to the conference room. His _bad_ wrist. Spock flinched.

"Shit! Sorry, Vulcan-no-touchy-rules, I forgot." Kirk immediately withdrew his hand, leaning against the table.

"It is quite alright, Captain. In your human terms, I believe you would say 'no harm, no foul'." Though as he said this, Spock unconciously cradled his arm to his midsection.

This drew a sharp snort and a grin from Kirk, making the strange warmth that Spock had begun to assosiate with the other man's smile curl in his stomach.

"You wanted to talk about something?" How curious that Kirk managed to look so innocent whilst saying this, Spock thought. Surely he must have figured out the intent of this conversation?

"Yes. I believe you to be the one who solved the equation left on my PADD 2.43 days ago." He stated bluntly, though not without some confusion.

Kirk responded by running a hand through his hair. If Spock were any good with human emotions, he would have pegged Kirk's facial expression as being sheepish.

"Yeah, I guess I did, huh?"

 _Guess?_ "Sir, if I may, you have proven to be incredibly adept at matters of the mind, yet you chose to portray yourself as what others would call 'cocky and dimwitted'. Why is this?" Spock was, in truth, utterly puzzled by the fact that Kirk was so smart yet endeavored to hide it.

"Well...I guess it gives me the tactical advantage of being underestimated." Kirk gave an embarrassed shrug, eyes flitting briefly to where Spock was still holding his wrist.

"That seems...logical." He concluded with a nod, though suspected there might be other factors as to why Kirk didn't show off his brains the way he did his brawn and sexual prowess.

Now it was Kirk's turn to be suspicious. "I didn't grab you that hard, did I?" he reached out as if to touch Spock's wrist yet again, but Spock jerked backwards.

"No, Captain. It was from a...previous injury." It wasn't a _lie,_ Spock decided.

Kirk nodded, though he looked far from satisfied. "Okay, I guess. I'll see you on the bridge?"

"Indeed." With that, Spock turned and strutted out of the conference room, missing the deteremined look on Kirk's face. James T. Kirk stood for a long stretch of minutes inside the empty conference room, trying to quell himself with the thought that there was no way a Vulcan would handle emotional pain the same way humans were often known to.

He strode to the bridge, filing away his thoughts for later and making a mental note to bring up Spock's medical record.


	3. The One Where The Away Mission Goes Horribly Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! It's been a busy week! To make up for the wait, here's some Jim!POV
> 
> This chapter isn't so much about Spock's issues as the development of their relationship.

Of course the away mission went wrong. Why wouldn't it? Everything in the universe hated Jim, as far as he was concerned, and was hellbent on making his life as miserable as possible. 

"Okay! I get it! I'm a horrible person and I probably deserve this!" Jim shouted to the sky, not really sure to whom he was addressing his complaint. Jim had never been able to put his faith in any sort of divine being. Life was pain and bloodshed and starving on a small colony and being beat by your step father and driving your dead father's car off a cliff with the intention of killing yourself, only to change your mind at the last second. 

"Captain, the natives will be able to pinpoint our location much more swiftly if you persist in shouting at unspecified persons." Was the light quip that he received in turn from his pointy-eared first officer.

At least Spock had the dignity not to mention that it was all Jim's fault they were being chased through a jungle by the planet's native species that either wanted to torture and eat them alive while they watched, or impregnate them with hybrid children and force them to stay on the planet as sex slaves. The universal translator had been a little vague. 

 _All things considered, the situation could have been worse_ , Jim thought.  _Like, fuck man, it could be raining and the rain could interfere with the transporter beam._

 _  
_And so, with a loud crack of thunder and the first few raindrops of the oncoming storm, the universe had to prove to Jim just how much it really _really_ hated him. 

"Are you fuckin' serious?" Jim muttered, unable to get even the faintest of signals on his communicator.

"Captain, it would be wise to locate some form of shelter." Spock had to raise his voice over the boom of thunder overhead. As much as he liked his XO, Jim felt the overwhelming need to punch him in the face whenever he stated the obvious as if Jim were a small incompetent child instead of the youngest captain of a starship in the history of Starfleet.

To spare himself the argument that no doubt would have ensued as a result of the tense situation and his irritation that was quickly spiraling into outright anger, Jim just nodded and began slogging forward, boots sticking uncomfortably in the mud with each step. His hair and clothing were already soaked through and plastered to his skin. Spock wasn't fairing much better, and in fact Jim could see him suppressing shivers.

 _Shit. He's gonna freeze if we don't get somewhere warm. Stupid Vulcan with his stupid desert-dwelling physiology and his stupid adorable Vulcan features and his stupid endearing logical though process. Wait, what?_ Jim decided the mission really was getting to him, and to give the crew a shore leave as soon as they managed to get back to the ship.

As if the downpour of rain wasn't cumbersome enough, large gusts of wind began sweeping through the trees, battering Jim and Spock (but mostly Jim- damn that Vulcan strength that was totally not a turn on because that would be weird and unprofessional) and slowing their progress until they had been traipsing through the mud and rain for almost three hours.

Jim was exhausted, and he was _really_ starting to hate this planet. His legs were shaking with the effort of bearing his weight against the wind whilst pulling himself through the mud. His worry for Spock's health was the only thing keeping his from giving up and laying down at this point. Spock's lips were tinged a copper colour, the way a human's might turn blue, from the cold. 

"Spock, shit c'mere! A cave!" Jim was so relieved he could break into song and make out with Spock a little. Wait shit, he really had to stop thinking like that. 

The reprieve from the wind was phenomenal, though Spock's lips were still discoloured and he wasn't even trying to hide the shivers wracking his lithe body. So, Jim being Jim, he did the only logical thing and pulled Spock into his lap, curling tightly around him and rubbing the Vulcan's side in an attempt to heat him up.

"Captai-"

"Shut up, I'm trying to keep you alive." Not that cuddling with Spock wasn't nice, because Jim had to admit that it kind of really was. It made him every so slightly giddy when Spock shifted closer to the human heat he provided.

"This is nice, huh? Stranded on a jungle planet, soaking wet, and cuddling in a dark cave as a storm blocks our signal to the _Enterprise_."

"While the physical closeness is not disagreeable, the circumstances could indeed be better, yes."

"What d'ya think their doing up there?"

"It would only be logical they the crew is attempting to locate us and beam us back to the ship."

"Hey Spock? Thanks for sticking up for me when the chief said I'd make a good whore. Y'know, if the UT was translating that right."

"I responded to his crass statement with the truth. You are deserving of far more than to be forced to provide sexual favours for the planet's leaders."

Jim felt his cheeks heat up at the compliment. "I wish we'd brought a chess board with us. This is _boring_ just waiting for Scotty to work out where we are."

"Then sleep, James. You are tired and require rest."

Jim contemplated the option for only a moment before dragging Spock down to lay with him. He spooned himself around Spock's still shivering body, throwing a leg over the Vulcan's hip to provide more warmth. Also his hipbone felt really nice against Jim's inner thigh and for a brief moment, Jim wondered what it would be like to be thrusting into his first officer from this angle. Not that Jim wanted to have sex with Spock. Probably.

Miraculously, Spock didn't seem to mind Jim's leg. The both fell asleep to the sound of the raging storm outside the mouth of the cave, even though Spock had meant to stay awake.

Jim didn't know how long he slept, but he stirred at the faint clicking sound, and the unmistakable laugh of a certain country doctor who was taking pictures with his PADD.

"Oh fuck you, Bones! I was keeping him warm." Jim grumbled softly, trying not to wake Spock.

"Y'know, body heat is easier to share when ya don't have none of your clothes on." McCoy chided with a mischevious grin that said 'I've already sent this picture to the entire crew and half the admiralty.'

"Shut the fuck up." Heat flooded Jim's cheeks at the image of he and Spock laying naked together.

Bones barked out a laugh, causing the aforementioned Vulcan's eyes to snap open and him to disengage himself from Jim, getting hastily to his feet and murmuring something about needing to meditate before striding off down the hall.

"Oh yeah, Jim. This one's a keeper!"

"Whatever." _Damn_ , he was blushing like a schoolgirl today!


End file.
